The thing is though, A Course in Miracles is not about being nice and loving, all the time, it’s about looking at the ego. So we can see why the ego would rather have us focus on how other people or ourselves are not being “nice and loving”, because looking at ego is the way to let go of it.
I’ve been feeling lately that I am moving into the “next step”, and have been guided to study the teachings in NTI on the empty shell (see previous blogs). It seems that I’ve had days where I have been more distracted as I move into this deeper level of practice.
I’m reminded of a passage in ACIM where it says that when you respond with love, your ego will react viciously. You know how it is, you have a very loving or peaceful moment, and the next thing you know you’re screaming at someone in a parking lot! And as one of my friends says, “Yeah, the church parking lot!” LOL.
It’s been many years since I’ve had one of those episodes, but what I recognize in my own practice at this time is that, the more I desire to know my Self as Love, and to extend that Love, the ego does become vicious.
A friend was talking to me about her recent ego sneak attacks and said, “Ego finds the loose thread and tugs at it until we separate.” So true. Ego knows what our weaknesses are, because ego is who we think we are! By watching the mind and observing ego in action, we begin to recognize that this voice is not who we are, and we learn to stop listening to it. As long as we think this voice of separation is who we are, it’s easy for it to distract and attack us.
While I have used many practices over the years, I have found the mantra practice to be such a wonderful tool to break away from listening to this voice. Just this morning, I let the mantra take me deep into stillness, something I had never experienced until I started this practice. Later, on a morning walk, it was again helpful to quiet the mind. I feel such gratitude to have been guided to this practice.
In my talk on Sunday I talked about distractions, practice and devotion, and I’ll share some of that here.
Distractions
“There are many distractions that come to keep your mind from Me. Remember that distractions are temptations put forth by your resistance, and resist the distraction instead. I have said before that it is not important what you do, but why you do it. This is an invitation to do all things for Me. If each distraction becomes an opportunity to hear My Voice, you are doing well on the path to healing.” (NTI Luke13v22-30)
This past week I’ve found myself distracted by thoughts about the future, internet conversations and assorted other things. In my recognition that I am allowing ego distraction, I was then able to use the distractions as opportunities to look at ego in my mind.
When we are asked to “resist the distraction”, this doesn’t mean necessarily that we resist the activity that we see as a distraction, but once looked at with Holy Spirit, we may be guided away from that activity or, we may be guided simply to see it differently.
Practice
This was up for me this week as I noticed that some days I remember to practice the mantra throughout the day, and on other days I forget. Willingness is everything. In the moment that I notice that I have forgotten to practice, I give my willingness to remember more. It’s ego that tells us we must do more, Holy Spirit asks us to practice when we remember. I often pray in this way:
Holy Spirit,
I give you permission to remind me throughout the day
to remember You.
or
Holy Spirit,
I give you permission to correct errors in my mind
throughout the day.
I find that when I do this, I do remember to practice more frequently throughout the day.
~
“You will seem to have many temptations. You will seem to forget My thoughts completely for a time. Do not let that distress you. The thinking you do apart from Me cannot hurt you. It can only delay your healing for a little while. So when you have forgotten, shake off the past… Now is a new moment! You help yourself by choosing My thoughts again now.” (NTI Luke 10v1-24)
Healing occurs in the present. In any present moment that we remember to let go of ego, and instead, listen to the voice of Truth, in that moment, we have stepped forward once again.
In any moment that we fall into berating ourselves, a helpful hint: Remember that you are listening to ego – choose again. We can learn to listen to the Voice that does not crucify.
~
“A great leader has compassion, and you are the leader within your mind. Be gentle with yourself in your own awakening… Listen within for the gentle Voice that encourages. Let that be your example. Be with yourself as that Voice is with you, and you lead yourself steadily to your own awakening.” (NTI Hebrews 5)
I love this passage because before I ever began a study of NTI, my Inner Teacher had spoken to me frequently about being a leader in my own mind. This came from a passage in the Bible: 2 Corinthians 10:5, which asks us to take every thought and purpose captive, and lead it into alignment with Love.
A question came up from someone asking how we could lead ourselves to awakening? These teachings speak to our willingness to let go of ego. Holy Spirit cannot take from us what we are unwilling to release.
In any moment that we recognize that we fell back in to the ego, in that moment, we are awake. Before we awaken fully, we have many moments of awakening. Anytime we choose to listen to the Inner Voice that encourages, that is a moment of awakening.
When you notice that you’ve fallen back into ego, in that moment, you are awake.
For you do not notice slumber when you are deep within it.
If you are noticing now,
now must be a state of awakening.
Rejoice, and use now to practice awakening.
(NTI Hebrews 5v11-14)
Look at all the years we didn’t even know that we were sleeping; we didn’t even know that we were doing it to ourselves ~ Now we know.
Ah ha! I don’t have to use my slip back into ego as an opportunity to berate myself; instead, I can use it to remind myself that I am waking up.
So often in spiritual communities we see, what I like to call, spiritual tyranny. People are judged by themselves or others, for being angry, upset, judgmental, afraid, sad or worried… Ego loves to do this, but it is just more ego.
A Course in Miracles is not a book that teaches us how to love,
more profoundly, it teaches us why we don’t.
Whenever we use now to recognize that we are mesmerized by form, and we see that we are mesmerized, even if we choose to not turn away, at least we are now aware of what we are doing. Let us remember all the years when we didn’t have a clue that we were dreaming our own nightmares!
“The guilt [unworthiness, fear…] that you feel feels eternal within your soul, but it is not. These feelings rise repeatedly to your awareness for one reason: It rises as a reminder of your desire to heal.
“You have not healed yourself because you do not fully recognize your desire to heal. You remain somewhat distracted by dreams. But your attention is turning from the distraction you have made to the desire for the remembrance of God.” (NTI Hebrews 10v1-7)
That’s why we read and listen to spiritual material; that’s why we have the desire to go deeper within…because we have chosen the desire to remember our truth. What a switch it is for me now to be able to see that feelings of guilt, lack or unworthiness are opportunities for me to remember that I am now willing to let go of false beliefs and desires. It’s so life-changing to truly see that all the stuff we do to ourselves can be used for spiritual practice. I see the desire to know my Self as Love created it, unlimited and free, is growing everyday.
Devotion
In The Teachings of the Inner Ramana, devotion is defined as the practice of slowing the mind and pulling focus inward. We can do this with the mantra, with prayer, with meditation and contemplation. As I end, I’d like to share a “Single Quiet Thought”*
~310~
Devotion is an act of silence.
It is a decision
to stop the flow of thoughts
and return to the wisdom of stillness.
Thoughts shall start again,
and your attention will drift to them,
if you are interested.
But if you are also interested in devotion,
you can again make the decision
to return to the Heart.
In this decision,
thoughts are not fed.
That which is not fed
must eventually die.
~From our Holy Spirit
********************
The Audio was recorded on 11-20-11 and is 57 min.
In it, I share so much more about what to do when we
forget to practice than I was able to share here.
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